Part I My Story
Someone just Knocked my Sand Castle over and then Peed on it!!!!
I wasn't sure where to expound on my feelings on the issues that are taking place right now regarding people with same sex attractions, their faith Exodus International's apology, the responses to that apology and where my story fits in the midst of it. Nonetheless, I wrote this blog with title of my personal journey with the little prince. If you read the "the Little Prince by St Vincent D'Exupury, you realized that his journey consisted of the meeting various characters along the way with their own stories in the way which they dealt with the world they were given. I am overwhelmed by the many stories I know personally of precious people that share my faith and those who do not, that simply are dealing with the life they have everyday. They often admit that sometimes their decisions were bad and other times they made good choices. Either way it is the life they are living and should be allowed all the tools, nurture, medical, monetary, counseling, services of any type, legally and otherwise to enhance and better their lives as individuals and that of their spouses and family.
In 2009, I was privileged to have part of my autobiography placed in a book titled, "When I stepped out on Faith", By Ciaj Harris. The book consisted of several stories of women who had made it through their hardships with their faith in God.
Before 2009, I was under the guise to believe, that once I was "healed" of MPD Multiple Personal disorder, I would no longer have sexual desires for women. Well for a while, I seemed to be free, but constantly on my guard and in fear that I would have feelings and what if I did? Then after really giving much effort to looking for "Mr. Right" I realized I didn't really want to be with a man for the rest of my life. Much more than that I realized that men probably sensed that in me, thus, were not attracted to me. I kept thinking is there something wrong with me? For 35 years I had struggled with the torment and agony of feeling attracted to women instead of men. Occasionally, I thought maybe I like him or maybe God will heal me totally if i just marry someone. Once, I became honest with myself, I realized that I didn't really like the guy, I wanted to be the guy, so it would be ok to like women. I rationalized, the only way for me to be okay, was to become like a guy. ....to be continued...
Friday, June 21, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
In the Beginning...
ok so let me expound a little on my experiences with this little prince.
I was a freshman in college in an education class when I learned of Exupery's prince. I was 34 at the time, a conservative of conservatives and a Bible thumping cuss too I might add. Which is an ironic tale to place cuss with Bible thumping, and yet i say otherwise for the Bible thumper does cuss in his/ her own right, they just use Bible verses instead of four letter words. Anyways, My education teacher had a way of asking questions that led you on a journey into your own soul that would in turn help you to understand others in such a way to help them learn. Much in the same way Mr. Netto is doing with his writing. At the time, I fell in love with the most marvelous of creatures, who just happend to be my math aide for my algerbra class. She had this smile that would assure you that all things would be fine just as long as you could play with playdough. And we did alot of that :) She had her own set of burdens and yet seem to always be there to aid me in whatever ill I had at the time. Then it happend we looked into each other's eyes and bonded beyond this life into the next. We were not at all sure as to what it meant, but we became afraid that we were in sin. She was advised to leave me alone, that I would lead her astray. So, she did. I went into mourning like never before and wrote about how the Prince had to leave the Pilot. She married a man and had two beautiful children and went her way and I moved to Ohio....
Then in 2008, I moved back to Ky for reasons Ill say later. Then she and I found each other again and she had been separated from her husband for about 5 years. So we found out that we were meant for each other after all. Kayleena is her daughter and her favorite animal is an elephant. and I am afraid the snake is trying to devour the elephant that I do not see because I am wearing the hat of authority in her life and thus too grown up to see things the way she sees them.
So Antoines desire is my desire to become a child in such away to aide my step daughter face her fears of snakes that would devour her elephant. So I may add, I feel secure wearing a hat.
I was a freshman in college in an education class when I learned of Exupery's prince. I was 34 at the time, a conservative of conservatives and a Bible thumping cuss too I might add. Which is an ironic tale to place cuss with Bible thumping, and yet i say otherwise for the Bible thumper does cuss in his/ her own right, they just use Bible verses instead of four letter words. Anyways, My education teacher had a way of asking questions that led you on a journey into your own soul that would in turn help you to understand others in such a way to help them learn. Much in the same way Mr. Netto is doing with his writing. At the time, I fell in love with the most marvelous of creatures, who just happend to be my math aide for my algerbra class. She had this smile that would assure you that all things would be fine just as long as you could play with playdough. And we did alot of that :) She had her own set of burdens and yet seem to always be there to aid me in whatever ill I had at the time. Then it happend we looked into each other's eyes and bonded beyond this life into the next. We were not at all sure as to what it meant, but we became afraid that we were in sin. She was advised to leave me alone, that I would lead her astray. So, she did. I went into mourning like never before and wrote about how the Prince had to leave the Pilot. She married a man and had two beautiful children and went her way and I moved to Ohio....
Then in 2008, I moved back to Ky for reasons Ill say later. Then she and I found each other again and she had been separated from her husband for about 5 years. So we found out that we were meant for each other after all. Kayleena is her daughter and her favorite animal is an elephant. and I am afraid the snake is trying to devour the elephant that I do not see because I am wearing the hat of authority in her life and thus too grown up to see things the way she sees them.
So Antoines desire is my desire to become a child in such away to aide my step daughter face her fears of snakes that would devour her elephant. So I may add, I feel secure wearing a hat.
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